Dreams

I love talking about dreams... the dreams I have for my life, the dreams God has for my life, and everything in between. It stirs me... awakens me.

No eye has seen
No ear has heard
No mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him
1 Cor 2:9

Upon graduating, I've had to come to the realization that my goal in life is no longer to finish high school. It's terribly daunting to set new goals, but completely freeing. Yet I'm still stuck. What is in store for me?

A leader from my elementary days pointed out to me that if I really knew what God had planned, it would scare me. Yet, people dream big all the time, right? It can't be too terrifying.. I mean we all want to be the best. Be successful.
We all want to reach the top.

But what if... what if the top of the mountain of dreams was miles away from true fulfillment? What if I did fulfill my wildest dream? What if it really happened? Would I be satisfied?
That's something I came to question. How can God dream bigger than that?

I've always interpreted that scripture to mean something Bigger than our Biggest Plans. A step above an Oscar. A step beyond a Grammy. More than just billions of dollars... more than six happily married kids serving their guts out for Christ.

What Bigger could God possibly have in mind for me? A chance to publish something that changed someone's life forever? Changed time? Or was His dream for me bigger than even that?


Today... It came in the form of a different question. Perhaps God's Bigger isn't anywhere near my Bigger. Maybe The Best comes in a different kind of package. Maybe what we Could Be isn't our humanity meeting destiny, it isn't Reaching Our Potential, whatever that may be.

Maybe it's our hearts completely alive, throbbing with life, breathing deeper than we've ever dared to breathe. And maybe that doesn't come with being the Best at whatever it is I set my heart on. Maybe it's the earth-shattering reality that what I have set my heart on still encases my heart in something that won't last forever. My biggest dream might offer contentment, but never fulfillment.

Where is fulfillment, then? What actions precede that jaw-dropping moment of release, when I finally realize This is what I was Made For?

Could it be... could it be that Life and Truth were right in front of me all this time? That I was living in Beauty ever single moment, never understanding that Now my heart was being fulfilled? Today I was being fed and nurtured and trained to be in love even more? In this moment... every moment I was being caught up in something bigger than myself?

Have I lost sight of my heart lately? If so... let me find it again. Let me dream not of fame and fortune and satisfaction but of love, delight, intimacy, fellowship, and above all... an awakening to myself and an awakening to the Creator of my ever-mysterious heart.

I have a feeling that if I grew to know my heart a little better... it's deepest desire would have nothing to do with success. Maybe every goal in life is so very gloriously a little off and there is something so much intoxicatingly deeper... :)

Mercy

Micah 6:8
“And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Sometimes, when I read the Bible, I look for those simple catch-all phrases. A single verse that tells me exactly what I should be doing. It makes things a lot simpler for me, because honestly who can remember all the commands God gives us for every situation? In the spur of the moment, I can asure you, I’m not thinking, “Well, Psalms says this, and then in his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus describes what I should do by saying this…”

I mean, get real. That’s painful. I’m really into finding a single one-liner that I can just apply to every area of life.

I know. That’s not very spiritual. But, honestly, it makes things easier. Like one of my favorites is, “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” Obedience. All God wants is my obedience. I can work on that.

Sometimes, though, things get a little harder to understand. Like this one in Micah I just found. Love mercy? Mercy? God gives us a three-part catch-all, and it requires mercy?

That kind of blew my mind. I had no idea it was that important. But it got me thinking, and man… do you know how hard mercy is? It sometimes is the complete opposite of justice. Justice is getting what you deserve. Mercy is getting what you don’t deserve.

Showing mercy is usually where I get hung up on that love thing. Mercy is what it takes to love someone who doesn’t, by MY standards, deserve to be loved. Isn’t that crazy? It’s as if God broke down the command to love a step further in his Micah one-liner.

It’s really hard, though. Everything around us is about justice, freedom... consequences. I mean it’s a scientific law that every action must have an opposite or equal reaction.

But not God’s law. Not in his law of mercy. If I was following the law of man, I would only love those who had earned my love. Under God’s law, though, I have to love even the ones who haven’t earned it. I have to love mercy.

Knowing that, I don’t have to go through all those mental hoops when I meet someone hard to love. Maybe I don’t always have to find every little speck of good in them and find a way to love them for THAT. Or maybe I don’t even have to conjure up a glorious picture of what they someday could become (after Jesus gets a hold of them, of course). Maybe I don’t have to ignore their flaws, trusting God to iron them out later. Maybe loving people doesn’t take a spiritual dose of optimism, courage, or stupidity.

Maybe all it takes is mercy.

Change

God wants to change me.
Transform me.

And I think it's more than my actions. I don't think God is very much concerned with changing what I do. I think He is more concerned with changing me. The real me. My motivations, thought patterns... even my feelings. I think changing what I do is only the outcome.

All my life, I've lived with high standards for my actions. I have a long list of don'ts. Which is good, I mean that's what the Ten Commandments are. But because of that, I haven't exactly considered myself "changed by God." Because I've never opened certain doors, I've never had to close them. I mean, yes, God has made me more patient, more loving, more compassionate... all of that fun church stuff. I'm not exactly a converted drug addict, though. Do you see where I'm coming from?

I didn't know how to be transformed.
Over the past few weeks, however, God's really opened my eyes to what real change is. Real change is so much bigger than I ever imagined. It's what I think. What I pursue. What I feel.
At first, I thought God was crazy. God was asking too much if he wanted to change my desires, my feelings, my wants. I mean, that was messing with my personality. All I needed was more self-control. But man... God DOES want to change how I feel, what I think about, what I pursue.

If I just do different things, but still don't want to do them, then how much has God really changed me?

When I started wanting to love someone who had been a huge source of hurt in my life, that's when it became real. Not because it was "the right thing to do"... but REALLY wanting to love.... I mean THAT was God.

That's change.